Animal Doctor USA

Best of Late Night

“Imagine only making one thing and billions of people want it,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “This must be how the Baha Men felt after recording ‘Who Let the Dogs Out.’”

Jimmy Kimmel pointed out that Moderna was providing wealthy countries with vaccines while refusing poor ones in need: “I’m sure that’s just a coincidence, right?”
Jimmy Kimmel pointed out that Moderna was providing wealthy countries with vaccines while refusing poor ones in need: “I’m sure that’s just a coincidence, right?” Credit... ABC

Oct. 13, 2021

Sign up for the Watching newsletter, for Times subscribers only.   Streaming TV and movie recommendations from critic Margaret Lyons and friends. .

“Look, man, I get it — Moderna is a business and they want to make money themselves, but at least come up with a better excuse, you know, like the vaccine formula is an old family recipe.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Apparently, it’s been passed down from generation to generation — just like Mama used to make.” — JIMMY FALLON

“So on Saturday, The Times reported that Moderna ‘has been supplying its shots almost exclusively to wealthy nations, keeping the poorer countries waiting and earning billions of dollars in profit.’ I’m sure that’s just a coincidence, right? [Imitating Moderna spokesperson] ‘Guys! We’re doing it alphabetically: America, Australia, Britain, Canada, Denmark — it’s not our fault the rich countries come first. Zambia, Zimbabwe, we’ll get there eventually, hang in.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“It is a shame that companies think about profit in a time like this when people are dying. But I get it — if they don't make money doing it this time, they might not bother to work on a vaccine next time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (Offensive Coordinator Edition)

“Last night, Las Vegas Raiders head coach Jon Gruden resigned after old emails came out showing his use of homophobic, racist and misogynistic language. Oh, Lord. Do you know how bad it’s got to be to get kicked out of Las Vegas? They’ve got no rules there.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Usually if a coach is fired, the team was playing really, really badly, like the cheerleaders were rooting for the other team bad.” — TREVOR NOAH

“The emails were so offensive, the Raiders almost made him offensive coordinator.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“You know you screwed up when you’re not fit to coach a team whose fans dress like actual demons.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“You know, the Raiders are known for being an unorthodox team, but this is the ugliest thing to come out of that organization since their owner’s haircut, which is saying something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“So he, of course, apologized. He said he ‘never meant to hurt anybody,’ and that if he had known these emails were gonna be published in the newspaper, he definitely would not have written or sent them.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“In a statement, Gruden said: ‘I apologize. My 19,000 offensive emails are not who I am.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Goddamn, this dude hit everybody — Blacks, gays, women, protesters, brain-damage victims. It’s almost like he was competing in a cancellation decathlon.” — TREVOR NOAH

“I mean, I can’t believe I have to say this but, people, people — you should not be writing racist emails. Just get up, walk over to your co-worker’s desk and say the N-word in person. It’s called human interaction, people.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Besides his coaching job, Gruden also lost an endorsement deal with Skechers. Yup, Skechers said their deal with Gruden no longer made sense and then people were like, ‘Did it ever?’”— JIMMY FALLON

The Bits Worth Watching

Amber Ruffin detailed all that Trump has done for religion on Tuesday’s “Late Night With Seth Meyers.”

What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night

The “Succession” star Sarah Snook will chat with Seth Meyers on Wednesday's “Late Night.”

Also, Check This Out

Image

The characters in ldquo;Squid Gamerdquo; don matching teal-green track suits as they are forced to play childrenrsquo;s games to the death to pay off their debts.
The characters in “Squid Game” don matching teal-green track suits as they are forced to play children’s games to the death to pay off their debts. Credit... Netflix